Professional Poker Player

So I’ve been pondering over what kind of business cards I am going to get. I don’t really want anything too closely tied to my businesses, perhaps a link to one site that links out to them all…

Anyways, with the wide selection of business cards available today, I am considering getting 500 to 1000 double sided glossy cards to give all the John Doe’s that I meet in the poker room or on the street. However, I’m also planning on cooking something extra special up for my close friends and important business contacts… METAL.

Yes, I’ve done a search for “metal business cards” on the net and have come up with some pretty sweet designs. Most companies give the option of die-cutting, embossing, scratching, adding color, etc. I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to do quite yet, but the letter “D” certainly resembles a blackjack table… dealer on the left and players on the right…

A couple sweet examples:

• http://www.luckow.com/clients/woz/images/WOZMetalProof.jpg
• http://www.mcloonebusinesscards.com/
• http://www.metalcards.com/metalcards/index.html
• http://www.plasmadesign.co.uk/metalbusinesscards.htm

After breaking it off with my girlfriend last December, I tried meeting new people via a service that most people know as a reliable and trustworthy online dating company, eHarmony.com. I figured that it would be fun to try out, and could be a great way to meet new people. Boy was I wrong.

When I signed up to be a member of this overpriced dating service, I thought that this was a service that is priced the way it is because of it’s success factor. Instead, I found out that the money that is being given to this company more so pays for the large amounts of commercials that are aired on TV and customer service representatives that they need to keep their customers as part of the “29 dimension system” that milks as much money from the customer as possible.

The first thing that you do is fill out this long questionairre… aka their “29 dimension system” survey that matches you with “compatible mates” that live as near or as far as you tell the system to look. After filling out the questionairre, you then create your match profile, a sort of public advertisement that says “Hey! I’m right here! This is who I am!” Of course, nobody tells you that people can’t actually look FOR you, but that eHarmony simply makes you WAIT until a possible match comes up on their system.

Ya, that’s right, you have to fill out all of this information, taking hours  of your precious time, and then they make YOU wait on them… which, by the way, is a computer algorithm which randomly decides if it wants to match you today or not. For the price you pay eHarmony, you’d almost expect that they are at the very least outsourcing the matchmakers from India, Siberia, or China. Nope, sorry, all you get is this stinking algorithm that claims to know just what kind of gears you’re made of, and whether or not they match up with somebody elses.

So, what did I get after trying out this service for a period of 4 to 5 months? Not a single handwritten “communication” from another being. The farthest I got in their over 10 step process was asking hand-selected questions, receiving hand-selected answers back, being asked hand-selected questions, and giving them back. Not once during my membership did I exchange a single word with another human being… except the letters to and responses from eHarmony support of course.

Don’t get me wrong, I received a match from time to time… I believe I averaged one single “match” about every 3 to 4 days. Now, if you don’t know much about the eHarmony.com matching system, you should know that just because you “match” somebody doesn’t mean that you’re ever going to trade a communication with them. Most of the time, they see your profile first and close the match, unless you’re some smokin’ hot Abercrombie & Fitch model of course. I’m no model, but I’m certainly not un-attractive by any means. The match-closing process goes the other way too. eHarmony will send athletic and successful men matches from hell. Just today when I was closing my account I read a match that said things like “I can’t stand people with pets.” Why the fuck would you say something like that in the first place? The funniest part about some of these profiles is that you’ll see some fat chick being picky as hell about who she matches up with. I close those matches straight away.

eHarmony.com allows members to hide their photo from new matches too. Be careful!!! Every single time that a “match” of mine has a hidden photo, they have later revealed a zit infested face, cross-eyes, herpes on the lip, or something else that is completely disguisting. Usually, they are just obese people trying to find love with somebody, hiding their photos so their matches won’t judge them right away. FACE IT PEOPLE… if a guy isn’t attracted, he isn’t attracted… that’s it!

So, to end this long and stress-relieving rant, my final words on eHarmony:

GET BENT

P.S. Don’t sign up for eHarmony, you’d have a better chance picking up a hot chick by going to church carrying a scythe.

After my last podcast, I went back to the Bellagio and played a little bit more $25/$50. I won another $6000 in the first half of an hour, but got in a hand against a fish where I flopped a set and he flopped a King high flush. The money went all in on the turn when a 2nd suit rag fell. The hand cost me about $7000 and I was now down about $1000. After that, I lost a few small pots in the next hour and left with a loss of $2000 and some tip money for valet.

I was getting ready to gear up for the main event, trying to satellite in. I won my first and only satelitte into the Super Satellite, costing a mear $560 to enter. Playing in the satellites are typically pretty easy, and this one was no different. We each started with 4000 in chips and the levels were 12 minutes. I played tight and made a couple well timed moves to get in the money. At first, the chips all went to one guy, who could have literally sat out and won his seat into the super. However, he started dumped the chips around the table, evening the stacks and allowing me a chance to catch up to him. I was sitting with an average stack most of the time. My tight strategy turned into a loose/aggressive one once we reached level 5 or 6 and I started picking up quite a few pots. Before I knew it, I was chipleader and took down the satellite with another guy (top two paid).

The Super Satellite was to take place the next day at 1pm. I arrived early and there were just 280 entrants. By the time level 2 was over, there were 385 players who bought into the Super. Hours dragged on, and my chip stack slowly, but consistently grew. I caught a few good hands, but nothing that paid off big time. By level 2, I had tripled my original stack of 5000 to 15000 chips.

After getting to about 20k in chips, I got caught bluffing and lost 6,000 chips in a single pot. I had AdKd and hit a flush draw on the flop 8d9d4s. I raised preflop, bet the flop, bet the turn (3c), and bet the river (Qh), making sure to represent an overpair in the range of Tens to Queens. Unfortunately, my opponent also had diamonds… (Qd Jd). He missed his flush and straight draws, but paired the queen on the end and called my bet of 3500 chips on the river.

I placed 58th out of the 385 that paid over $2500 to get into the Super Satellite, and it took another 3 hours from when I was knocked out to get down to the top 36 players that got a seat, 37th getting cash as a prize.

Since the satellite, I hopped into a $25/$50 and won $1100 and got into a $50/$100NLH mixed with $25/$50PLO and lost $600, so even though the stakes have been high, the wins and losses have been kept in balance.

For the first time in my short-lived life I had a really good shot at actually winning a healthy sized buy-in tournament with a healthy sized field of about 300. I was playing extremely well, surviving two cold decks during the tournament, one time having pocket Kings vs. pocket Aces and another having a flopped set of 7’s beat by a flopped set of queens. The problem is, I came down with a case of FPS (Fancy Play Syndrome) when I had over 10% of the chips with 20 players left in the tournament.

The blinds were 1500/3000 with a 500 ante. Roy Winston made a raise to 9000 in early position. I look down to see my cards and wake up to AA. Rather than reraise, I decide to ask Roy how many chips he had, which was about 80,000 to 90,000, and smooth call. No other players entered the pot and it was heads up.

The flop wasn’t “terrible” to say the least, but it was pretty bad looking. Three hearts, jack high and I didn’t hold the ace of hearts. Roy bet his hand out 15,000 and I raised to 40,000. He almost immediately moved all in and I called. Unfortunately for me, I had put Roy on AK or AQ with the A or K of hearts, now thinking that he may have actually had AJ with the A of hearts. However, I found out that my Aces had very slim chances to win as Roy had flopped the King high flush with KhQh.

I got stacked, and only had about 25,000 remaining chips to play with.

I lasted quite awhile longer, and got my stack back up to 45,000 before Roy took another shot at me. I called a raise of 10,000 during the 2000/4000/500 level preflop with J10. After hitting a 10 on the flop, I thought I may have had a chance at the best hand. Little did I know that Roy his his King at the same time and was about to bust me out of the tournament.

I placed 12th, hoping to do better next time. I learned a valuable lesson during this tournament, play straightforward poker, and never slowplay pocket aces preflop to a raise.

I haven’t been presented with a good game in awhile. In fact, I haven’t been near a game where I didn’t know at least three or four of the players sitting at the table. How is it so hard to get a bunch of tourists who just want to try their luck at poker sitting together at one table?

I like to stalk my prey before I go in for the kill, but the Vegas poker rooms seem to only be full of predators lately. My first stop tonight was Bellagio. I wasn’t planning on playing poker, but I had to drop off $500 that a friend loaned me to place a bet on Memphis to win the NCAA Championship game (Dohhh!!). As I was paying off my debt, I noticed my friend Lisa flailing her arms in the air trying to flag me down from across the room.

Lisa came over to chat for a bit and informed me that the $10/$20nl games at were terrible tonight at Bellagio, but that there was a decent $5/$10nl game over at the Wynn. I decided a long time ago that this girl knows what she’s talking about when it comes to Las Vegas poker game selection, so I said “I’m in!” and we headed over to the Wynn.

There was a whopping two games going on when we arrived, a shorthanded $10/$20nl with a majority of tough players and a $5/$10nl with a majority of fish. I sat down at the $5/$10nl game while Lisa gave up her seat to a fish so the game would be better when she began to play. My how I admire her patience…

The game was good, but I made a bad play early on. I picked up Qs10c in late position and limped preflop behind a few other limpers. The flop came down 9c Jd Qd and I liked what I saw. Seat 1 bet $40, seat 2 called $40, then seat 3 raised to $160. It was my turn to act and I contemplated my move. For some odd reason I decided to reraise the $160 bet to $460, forcing everybody at the table out of the hand, killing my implied odds. Seat 3 moved all-in for another $250 and I was forced to call, hoping for my straight card. The flush card came, but it didn’t matter because all I had was a straight draw, which I missed. My opponent showed AQ and took the pot down.

After realizing that I shouldn’t be blasting at the pots so much with shitty draws, I hunkered down and ended up winning about $350 for the $5/$10nl session, coming back $1000 from being stuck $700 after that hand. As I was about to cash out, I noticed that a tough player had left the $10/$20nl game and a fish had sat down with over $5000. I told Lisa that I planned on playing and had the cashier change the color of my chips up.

I bought in for $2350, my original $2000 buyin at the $5/$10 plus my $350 in profits. In addition to this, I had a Bellagio flag and $1k chip watching over the lint in my pocket. At first, there were just four of us playing, but the game kept getting better and better. Fish after fish sat down and before I knew it, the game was full and extra live. I had AJ, the Wynn’s high stakes poker floor person, change my Bellagio chips to Wynn chips and added them to my stack. Even Lisa came back upstairs to play, and she was just about walking out of the poker room when this table caught her eye.

I was on fire, getting every big pocket pair at least once during my session. I was getting them, but I wasn’t getting as much action as I wanted at first. I’d look down every other hand and see something like AA, KK, QQ, AK, AKs, and JJ. If it wasn’t a big pair, then it was an easy fold like 62o. I looked down to see JJ one time and called a $100 preflop raise in middle position. Four players called and the pot was $400. The flop came J78, all diamonds and not exactly a great flop for me to see. I checked my set, and my opponents checked as well. The 2c came on the turn and I made a $200 bet to take down the pot.

After only two hours, the game was about to break. However, my and an Asian fellow (who only had $300 left) decided to play heads up for a little while. It went back and forth plus/minus $100 until I woke up to AKo on the Dealer button (small blind). I limped preflop and my opponent raised to $100, having another $280 behind. I moved all in and he called with As4s to catch the nut flush. He now had about $760 in front of him and posed more of a threat. We played a little bit longer, and I won a few hundred more off of him. He was down to $490 when he asked if I wanted to do all-in flips. I had over $10,000 behind now so I figured that my chances of winning that $500 were high.

The first flip came and I was dealt Q9o and he was dealt 64s. I missed and he hit a 6 to win the first flip. Our second flip (for $1k each now) consisted of my being dealt KJs and my opponent being dealt J5o. Again, I missed and he snapped off a lucky kicker card. Now his original $300 stack was at just under $2000. I convinced him to do one final all-in flip and he agreed. I was dealt Q6o and hit a 6. He turned over a paired 2 and mucked his other card.

After I cashed in my chips I decided to do a little bit of gambling. I hit a slot with a nice looking progressive and lost $250. I hate losing to the casino so I took that $250 and bet it on one hand of blackjack, which I lost. I then bet $500 on a single hand of blackjack and lost! Soon after, I moved over to the craps tables and bet $200 on the pass line, with $800 on the odds. I hit a 7 before a number was rolled to win $200, but once the point was rolled I lost once again. I pulled out yet another $1000 and put $200 on the pass line, rolled a point… and LOST!!!

I was getting sick of being beat so badly… I pulled the $5k flag from my pocket… walked up to a dealer at an empty table and asked her “Would you mind dealing me just one hand miss?” to which she kindly obliged. I was dealt 84 and the dealer was showing an 8. Surely I was fucked and there would be a ten coming right? No. Instead, I hit and received a 7 for a total of 19. The dealer rolled over a 5 and hit to receive another 5, making her total 18. I WON!!!

If you’re gonna do damage playing poker, you gotta do it right. I’m talking $10,000 to $20,000 a day if at all possible. Today I almost broke that record, but it was for the downside.

I started off the day by waking up in my condo at about 11:45 am and getting to the tournament one round late. I was assigned to table 56 and when I asked which table it was I was directed to a table with a bunch of high stakes pros at it. Fortunately, I was actually placed at the table right next to it with a few players who appeared to be fish. My starting stack was 3925 because I lost a few blinds while I was out.

As usual, I was playing my tight game, looking for anything that I could get that was worth a raise. I don’t see any point in playing a pot early on in a tournament unless it’s either late position with enough limpers or something I am willing to raise or call a raise with. I made a few calls with hands like Q10s and J9s, only to miss completely. I also caught a double gutshot straight draw and flush draw with a hand that I saw a free flop from the big blind, but I missed.

After about a half of an hour, I picked up AQo in middle position. The blinds were still 25/50 and I raised to 250. The typical raise for the table was between 125 and 200, which seemed pretty passive compared to tougher tables. I got three callers and the flop came K98 and I bet out after two of my opponents checked to me. One opponent raised, and both me and my other opponents folded. After that hand I was reasonably short stacked, enough to change my play to a tigher, more aggressive style. I waited for my next big hand.

A half of an hour later I picked up AKo under the gun. With 1600 chips and an average stack at the table of about 5000, I felt like my stack was shorter than average. I limped in for 50, hoping for a raise. Baaaam! Like clockwork, the next player raised to 225 and four other players called. I made it appear as if I was trying to take down the pot by contemplating my move and looking around the table. I shoved my entire stack of 1600 and all four of the players called. The flop was J86 and there was a small bet that pushed all but 2 players out. The turn was a 5 and the river was a 2, both streets were checked down. Pocket 10’s took down the pot and that ended Event #5 for me.

I walked from the Fontana Lounge over to the poker room and put my name on the list for $10/$20nl. I started out by trying out with a couple short stacks. My first buy-in was for $800, which I lost in a coin flip match. I’m lucky that I didn’t have more though, because I had AKs and lost with a pair of Kings to a set. My second buy-in was for $1,000, which I successfully brought up to $2000. Unfortunately, I lost this to a solid player on my right who hit a better hand on the flop.

I had enough, so I put over $20,000 on the table and played by usual deep stack game. Before I knew it, I was down $10,000.

I do commend one of my opponents specifically though. He made a famous Phil Ivey play on me, which I couldn’t call even though I knew for sure that he was bluffing. The hand went as follows:

Preflop: I’m on the big blind in seat 2. Seat 3 raised to $100 and there were several callers. I called because there was so much money in the pot with Q10 offsuit.

Flop 334 rainbow: I check, seat 3 bets, everybody else folds, I call to setup a turn bluff because I’m in the big blind and any good player could put me on a pair or even a possible 3.

Turn 4: I check, seat 3 bets $600, I raise to $1800. Seat 3 contemplates for awhile, then raises all-in. I told him that I knew he was making a perfect bet and that I couldn’t call. He showed A9s, a hand that was close to what I expected to see.

I woke up very late this afternoon after having a night out on Las Vegas. I was supposed to get up early for Event #1 of the Bellagio WPT Five Diamond Classic Tournament, but I’ve been running so bad that it didn’t bother me missing a tournament. Nothing has seemed to be going right for me over the past month or two and I’m down about $30,000 since I peaked my bankroll. I’ve been losing with flushes to full houses, three of a kind being out-kicked a few times, and opponents calling with draws that hit just about every single time. Today wasn’t crazy, but is the first day in awhile that I’ve made a 4 digit win in a single session.

I began my session at Bellagio in the evening at about 6:00. I brought $16,500 with me just in case there would be a good $25/$50 game going on. I walked upstairs to the high stakes section and saw that David Williams and Roy Winston were both sitting at the $25/$50 with a few other pretty solid players with maybe a bleeder or two spread amongst them. For the most part, these guys are really good players so I stayed away from the game and sat down at $10/$20 with $6500.

After about 45 minutes the game started getting really juicy. Just about anybody could spot these guys coming, with one guy arguing that a new player could not post in between the SB and the button, and another posting his BB in early position. You could tell that these guys just wanted to gamble.

Unfortunately, the table I was on was a must move table, and the floor moved me to the “next” must move table. As rediculous as the Bellagio’s rules are, it wasn’t such a bad move. A player, who introduced himself as Joe, didn’t seem to care about money, and he even went as far as laying his American Express black card on the table. He made some big bets, had a few arguments with the dealers and Jimmy Tran, but all in all he was a very nice guy.

The table also had an action player at it named Brandon. Brandon likes to take down a lot of pots by making oversized raises and bets, enabling him to get some good action when he gets a hand. I played a couple hands with him throughout the night, but mainly stayed away from his heavy-hitting action.

There was a pot that I butted heads with Brandon in. I know most pros don’t forget much about hands that they play in, but I completely forgot my cards and the board, but I do remember the betting. Somebody straddled the pot preflop to $40, there were a few callers, and Brandon made it $300 more to go. I’m in early position with something like 910 suited or J10 suited and I decide to play a pot with him. The flop dropped and Brandon bet $440, which I called with a fairly weak position. The turn card came, and he bet $600. I thought about what he would be betting with and made a min-raise to $1200. Brandon folded and the dealer shoved me the pot.

Fifteen minutes after that, I picked up my chips and left about $2,000 ahead, a rare win for the streak that I’ve been going through.

Later, my friends and I decided to go to MGM to get free drinks and play $1-$2NL and swim with the guppies. I was feeling like it was my lucky day, so I tossed $100 onto the zero on the roulette wheel. Although I lost, I moved on to the poker table and had a blast, ordering one White Russian after the other. The whole table of players thought that I was so drunk, just tossing money around pot after pot! What they didn’t know is that this player was a pro simply controlling his image with the help of a little bit of alcohol. I ended up making about $550 by the end of the night, not including a $100 “last longer” bet I made with my friend JW in a $60 sit-n-go tournament.

I can’t wait to see what kind of luck my next session is going to bring me.